living through the shadows: reposted
by roseskyangel
Summary: Dimitri and rose didn't get back together in LS. Rose left the vampire world and living in the human world till one not at a concert she was preforming at was when she saw all of them again. Will R and D get back together? Rated T for now
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Living in the shadows.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything all rights got to Richelle Mead.**

_**This takes place after last sacrifice and Dimitri and Rose never got back together and Adrian still leaves. It's been about a year since everything went down. Lissa doesn't really talk to rose anymore. Christian and Lissa are still together. They are trying to get Dimitri to go out with other people. Rose is Christian's guardian and Dimitri's Lissa's. Yet Rose starts to lose herself and starts cutting and no one notices what's wrong with her. **_

**Chapter 1**

It's been a year now that everything happened. A year since I lost most of my friends. Eddie has forgiving for what I did when we took off out of court. He's Lissa's other guardian. Eddie is worried about me because I won't talk to anyone. He's worried that something is wrong. But I tell him everything is fine.

Yet nothing is fine. I've been going to church and pray that my life will end and that I don't have to be here anymore. And nothing is ever simple. The days seem like a blur and no one cares too much. My mom has been resigned to be Abe's (a.k.a my father) guardian and now she's with a child. I'm happy but I don't show it anymore.

Walking out of the church after praying and cutting my wrist, I see Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Mia, Dimitri, my mom, Abe, and some strange women. They were all laughing until Eddie stopped and looked over at me. When he saw me, he stopped and so didn't everyone else.

"I'll be right back guys. I need to ask Rose something." He said to them.

Lissa watches where Eddie is heading and said, "Are you-"

"Go away. I don't want to talk to you right now okay." I said as the tears start to fall from my eyes. I didn't want to see them so happy; I didn't want to be near them. I just wanted to be left alone and I could never get that wish with Eddie around.

Eddie reached out for my wrist until he sees the blood and said, "What have you been doing to yourself?"

I could look at him in the eyes but I knew that I had to say something so I can escape this place, escape them so they wouldn't notice but I knew they wouldn't care what happened. Eddie was always the one that still carried for me and not one else did. But I looked at him and said, "Nothing okay. I just want to be alone right now."

"Rose, you've been acting weird lately and I want to know what's wrong with you?" said Eddie who was worried about me. I knew that he would notice, but he was the only one that knew I wasn't myself and that hurt real bad that he knew that something wasn't right about me.

"It's nothing okay. I got to go. Please Eddie, I'm telling you the truth. I need you to accept that I'm fine and that you shouldn't worry. Please don't worry. I'll be fine." That's was all I could say to him. I have no idea what to say and when I noticed that the others were watching me and Eddie and none of them tried to come closer to me, that's when I felt like I was going to break down and that's when I took off running and I didn't stop. They didn't care about me. I was living in the shadows of them. But I did what I had to do to protect them. They mean the world about me. That's when all the memories were in my mind. I couldn't get them out.

I went to the gym and started to beat the hell out of the punching bag while the music was playing a Linkin Park song. I was so mad that I felt everything going from my mind to the punching bag. I didn't want to be here anymore. I couldn't find in me to stop myself I just hit harder and hard her till I realized that someone called my name.

"Rose." Said a voice, a voice that I knew all to will.

I stopped and looked over at the door and saw Sonya Karp there. She looked at me and said, "How are you? I see you haven't been the same. Is there anything that I can help you with?"

"Fine and I don't need help from anyone. I'll be fine." I said to her without even thinking. The word fine has been the one word that I've been saying to everyone more and more lately and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I just wanted everything back the way it was before, but I knew in my heart that nothing would ever be the same again and I would be dreaming if it was.

She looked at me and said, "You don't seem like yourself. Hans asked me if I could come and talk to you because you haven't been like your usual yourself, Rose are you sure everything is fine."

"I'm fine. I don't know why everyone is so worried about me. They haven't cared for me in the past year. They don't even say my name. The only one who does care is Eddie. Lissa, Christian, Dimitri, Jill, and Adrian all hate me. They don't care. None of them came to see me when I was in the hospital. Mia doesn't even look at me anymore. My parents are too worried about the baby that's due in a few months' time. They don't care. It seems as if they had forgotten me. Maybe it would have been better if I was just killed when Lissa's family had die. It would make everyone feel better. It would make the world better and this stupid place a lot better if I was never born. I can see how much I'm not wanted and that I something that had to be born and that my so called friends don't care about me or what happened or even realize that I'm not the same Rose they all know. I hate them. I hate all of them and I hate this world."

Sonya looked at me and said nothing while she walked out of the gym. I knew she came to talk to me because of Mikhail and the others. They really didn't care about me. No one did. Then it hit me, that none of them cared and that I knew that I wasn't wanted I would just do just that. I would leave this place so that no one has to worry about me again.

Hours later I walked back to my room and Dimitri's door opened up and the strange women walked out of his room and said, "It was nice meeting you Dimitri. I hope we can hang out again sometime?"

"Thank you. I will think about it and give you a call back." He said while walking her out. When he saw me, he stopped and just walked the women out of the building. Dimitri lives across from me, which sucks because I usually run in to him but we haven't said a word to each other. I knew what he saw when he saw me, and I just didn't care anymore. The only reason why we lived across each other was because we were both guardians to Lissa and Christian.

I just walked into my room and turned on the TV to find something that was good. But nothing was on. Even the radio didn't have any good music on. I just shut everything down and just lay down in the darken room and thought of nothing. Thoughts of nothing as they passed over my mind till I had a bad memory and that's when I slowly took the small blade that I kept with me at all times, and that blade that I held in my hand I used it to pick at each finger until blood came out. I just watched the blood until someone knocked on my door.

**A/N: Okay i wrote this story last year and now i'm back again. so please review this story and let me know what you all think of it.**

**RoseSkyangel.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Living in the shadows.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything all rights got to Richelle Mead.**

**Chapter 2**

_What the hell? Why would someone decide to knock on my door right now? _I slowly got up and opened the door and saw Dimitri there. He looked at me and said, "Eddie is looking for you. I guess you didn't hear your phone go off then?"

I didn't say anything and just look at him. How could I say anything to him and why couldn't Eddie just leave me alone. I just shut my door when he said, "Queen V-"

"Just go away because I know that you guys don't care. The only one who does is Eddie. Just leave and forget about me. You and the others have a happy life without me okay."

He didn't try to stop me or anything he just walked away and I was happy about that and I just wish that things could change and I knew that they couldn't because they don't want me around them. But I knew that he sounded hurt that he didn't know how to talk to me. We couldn't even work together anymore and most people knew that Dimitri and I were a good team, but not anymore. I looked down at me arm and, "shit I hope he didn't see that."

An hour later I walked to the café and ordered a hot chocolate and a Boston cream donut. It was cold outside. Once my order was up I walked to a booth that was out of site and sat down and thought what I was going to do. I wanted to stay here but at the same time I wanted to leave and never come back. That thought was a good one and I loved the idea of leaving this place because everyone didn't talk to me and I hardly talked to anyone. I was so lost in thought that I didn't know that someone was sitting across from me until I heard them speak.

"Rose, are you okay?" came Eddie's voice.

I looked up at him and knew that he was worried, ever since Mason died he was worried about and me ever since that mistake happened he was more worried about me than anyone else. I didn't blame him, but he knew that I was strong but right now I didn't feel as strong as I used to. I looked at him and I didn't know what to say I just said, "I don't know. Feel so useless and empty inside as if no one cares and that no one needs me anymore. Plus the fact that it seems that everyone hates me. My own parents won't come and talk to me and I hate this. I feel like dying. Please don't ask or tell anyone this. Eddie, please don't say a word because I don't care what happens to me as along at you guys are safe and happy."

He looked at me and knew that I wasn't lying and that what I was saying was the truth. He knew what I was saying was the truth. He knew that everyone had ditched me. Then Eddie said, "Rose you know that is true but Lissa sent Dimitri over to check on you after his girlfriend left. I guess he said that I was looking for you then."

Yeah that's right once Dimitri was a guardian again he had a new girlfriend that was about his age, but the thing was that Lissa was playing match maker for Dimitri after he told me those four words and she heard what he said and since then she was hooking him up with a lot of girls.

"Don't worry he broke me so that I can't be with anyone else now." That was true; I couldn't love anyone or even try. I was broken and lost and no one cared to try and here my side of the story.

"Rose he still loves you so much that he is scared that he'll hurt you again, trust me Rose, he came and talked to me a few times and I told him what I could. I didn't know how to help him. I told him that he had to work this out on his own."

"Well he lost me for good because I'm thinking about leaving because i can't take this anymore. It's killing me and I feel like there isn't anything left for me anymore. I'm sorry. But I've made up my mind. I'm leaving and never coming back. I'm sorry Eddie, I'm so sorry that you're going to lose another best friend beside Mason. "

Eddie's point of view

I watched as Rose left and I knew that she was going to go through with this plan of her. Rose was leaving and I truly am going to feel all alone because she is like a sister to me and Mason was like a brother to me and that's when I called Lissa and said, "Get everyone together because we need a meeting right now."

"Why? Is this because of Rose? "

I knew she was going to ask that. But I knew she cared for Rose, but at the same time she pissed off at her because there would be times where she was everyone to hang out and Rose would never come. If Christian and Dimitri were in the same room, Rose would switched places and be the guard outside. She couldn't stand being near them. She was Broken and there was nothing that I could do.

"Yes and no. You need to get a hold of everyone that we know that Rose has known for a while and even Dimitri's family, also Sydney. This is important, because if we don't talk there is a chance that Rose will vanish from us forever.

"Fine, I don't want to lose her. You know that I was mad at her, but I know how she can be. "


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

**Rose POV**

It's been two days and I haven't seen anyone from the gang. I knew they were worried about me, how I acted and all of that shit. But they need to stay away from me. I feel so worthless and sick at the same time. I just needed to get away before they all fine out my plan. I knew that Eddie would try and stop me and I had to leave, yet I also found a book on shadow kissed at the library and it once belonged to Anna. She wrote that if the bond is broken it really isn't. What happened to the bond is that it's blocked so that it can heal. It was something that happens when too much spirit was being used or that a major organ has been damage… which that happened to me and I feel cut off from everything that happened.

Reading the book helped me out a lot but the feelings that I feel are still real. I'm not sure if I should leave or stay and try to find a way to cope without having everyone talking to me. I don't want to be on the sidelines and watch everyone and not feeling anything. I hated being on the sidelines but this times I wasn't sitting out from training, I was forced by people around me to sit and stand on the sidelines and not even bother to try and talk to anyone. But I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay in away but who am I kidding. I need to leave. I started to pack most of my things when there was a knock on the door. I stopped and just listened to who it was.

"Rose open this door right now? I mean it? If you don't open this door I'm going to burn it down." Yell Christian.

"Go away! I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to see you. I'm sorry. Please and try to understand." I yelled back. Once I finished packing I snuck out of the room leaving all the notes and letters and the reasons why I left because I needed them to understand. I need to escape this world and never come back if I could help it. I needed to get away so that I could heal and breathe again and try to be happy if can ever be happy again.

(A year and a half Later)

It's been a long time since I left everyone. I live in the human world away from the vampire world. I haven't really talked to anyone from my old life, but in my new life I'm a singer and most of my songs are about my past and what happened to me. I can't escape the pain in my dream but in the real world I can try and escape for just a little while.

"Rose, are you ready to Rock?" yelled Jesse, who is like me. We both used to protect the good vampires. I can't even use the right words anymore. Jesse left because he saw his whole family and friends being killed by them, he couldn't face being a guarding for anyone because he said that how can he protect someone if he couldn't protect his family and friends.

I looked at Jesse and said, "Yeah, I'm ready."

I looked at myself one last time and noticed how much I've changed since I left, but I couldn't talk about that be I started to walk out on stage and I just waited till the music stated to play and I walked out on stage and started to sing.

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you_

_Fifty thousand tears I've cried_

_Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you_

_And you still won't hear me, going under_

_Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself_

_Maybe I'll wake up for once_

_Not tormented daily, defeated by you_

_Just when I thought, I reached the bottom_

_I'm dying again, I'm going under_

_Drowning in you, I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through, I'm going under_

_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies_

_So I don't know what's real and what's not_

_So I don't know what's real and what's not_

_Always confusing the thoughts in my head_

_So I can't trust myself anymore_

_I'm dying again, I'm going under_

_Drowning in you, I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through, I'm_

_So go on and scream_

_Scream at me, I'm so far away_

_I won't be broken again_

_I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under_

_I'm dying again, I'm going under_

_Drowning in you, I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through, I'm going under_

_Going under, I'm going under_

When I was done I looked at everyone in the crowed and said, "Hey Montana how is everyone? Its great to be back."

Then I saw them, every one of them and they didn't know who I was and that scared me, because they just listened to the music, to the music that I wrote, they didn't know it was me. I looked over at Jesse who was my lead guitarist and one of my closest friends, who knew everything about me and what had happened to me. I looked at Jesse and said, "I'm feeling a little broken what do you all say?"

Everyone was loud and yet again the music started to play and Jess started to sing.

_I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

_I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

Then I came in and started to sing

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don?t feel light when you?re gone away_

Jesses topped singing. And I started to sing.

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again_

_I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away_

_There?s so much left to learn and no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

_'Cause I?m broken when I'm open_

_And I don?t feel like I am strong enough_

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don?t feel light when you?re gone away_

_'Cause I?m broken when I'm open_

_And I don?t feel like I am strong enough_

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don?t feel light when you?re gone away_

_'Cause I?m broken when I?m lonesome_

_And I don?t feel right when you?re gone_

_Gone away, you don?t feel me here anymore_

It went on and on and I noticed that Eddie knew who I was through our whole song, he kept on looking at me and I couldn't bear to see them. Then it finally came to the last song. I looked at Jesse and said to everyone, "This is the last song of the night. So I hope you all love this one."

_Perfect by nature_

_Icons of self indulgence_

_Just what we all need_

_More lies about a world that_

_Never was and never will be_

_Have you no shame? Don't you see me?_

_You know you've got everybody fooled_

_Look here she comes now_

_Bow down and stare in wonder_

_Oh how we love you_

_No flaws when you're pretending_

_But now I know she_

_Never was and never will be_

_You don't know how you've betrayed me_

_And somehow you've got everybody fooled_

_Without the mask_

_Where will you hide?_

_I can't find yourself_

_Lost in your lie_

_I know the truth now_

_I know who you are_

_And I don't love you anymore_

_It never was and never will be_

_You don't know how you've betrayed me_

_And somehow you've got everybody fooled_

_It never was and never will be_

_You're not real and you can't save me_

_And somehow now you're everybody's fool_

When the song was over I slowly walked off from the stage and Tom, Luck, Maya, Cate and Mike were all looking at me. Jesse came over and said, "are you okay. I know they were out there. Do you want to just leave or rest for a while?"

"I'm going to stay here for a bit then we can leave."

Jesse and the band left while I just slowly walked to my room and closed my door and sat down on the floor and thought of everything that happened. I knew that they were trying to talk about why I was like this and they wanted to help me and I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to see them. I was better than I was before, I felt almost healed being away from them. I could breathe a lot better than I used to but I knew that I could hide from them forever.

"Rose Nighshade can we have a minute of your time."

I stopped thinking and got up to opened the door only to fine Lissa, Eddie, My mom and dad, Dimitri, Adrian, Sydney and others that I knew and didn't look at. I froze and said, "What can I help you with?"

"We know who you really are Rose. Why did you leave me and the court?" Said Lissa.

"I'm sorry but you have the wrong person. I'm not who you think I am."

I lied to her because I didn't want them to know who I was or where I was. I just wanted to be alone and happy and yet when I start to feel better about myself she just had to come and ruin all my fun. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and that hand forced me to turn around. When I looked at Dimitri I saw all of the sadness and then my father said, "Rose please come back? Or try to help us understand why you left?"

I just looked at him and said, "I can't. I just can't. Mom, can I talk to you alone please. The same with Christian and Eddie; I need to tell you three why and no one else okay."

They walked with me and I looked at them once I reached my room. I pulled out the book and turned to a page and showed it to them. They read what I've written since the time Lissa had become Queen when Dimitri and I slept together. They were reading all of my thoughts and feelings and most importantly what happened to me during that time in my left when I was a guardian.

"Rose, what do you mean you were going to have a child when you can't have one with another?" Said my mother who looked upset, mad, worried and more written across her face; Eddie and Christian were pissed, that much was clear.

I looked at them and I couldn't think of anything to say so I just said the first things that came to my mind. "I was with a child and when I cut myself off from everyone I lost the child. I didn't tell Dimitri because he didn't want me and I knew that he wouldn't believe that the child would have been his. I didn't tell anyone because they would think I was a freak. So I cut my self-off from everything and everyone that I love. I never slept with anyone. Now I'm here sing since I don't have anyone who truly cares about me. Why don't you all go back and pretend that you didn't see me."

I turned around and started to pack everything put and Jesse walked in and said, "Ready Rose. The others are waiting for us now."

"Yep. Let's get the fuck out of here." I turned around and looked at my mother, Eddie, and Christian one last time and then I just left.

**A/N: The songs are by Evanescence, the first one is going under, 2. Broken, 3. Everybody's fool. **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own noting. Richelle mead owns VA. I only own Jesse and the band members.

A/N: So here is Chapter 4. It's in two different points of view. I hope you guys like this one. I'm going to work on the list of songs that go along with this story. So please review.

_**Rose POV**_

It's been a week since that night that they showed up. Once the concert was over we went back to a small town in New York. I felt safe there. I knew they could find me if they wanted to. But I was scared because I didn't want anyone to know what happened or the reasons why I had left court. I wanted nothing to do with that world. I just wanted to live and be free and being doing what I'm doing now. I just wanted to write my songs and stories. I didn't want them to know where I was. I'm not ready to see the others just yet. I was so scared that something might happen.

"Rose, are you okay?"

I look at Jesse and I wasn't sure what I should say but I just said, "I'm fine. I just wish I could escape my past but I know that I can't. I just wish they hadn't come to that concert because I knew they wanted answers and the reasons why I left. I told my mom, Eddie, and Christian because I can trust them more the Lissa and the others. God why did they have to come, why did they have to try and confront me the way they did. I feel so worthless when they are around."

"Why did- never mind. I know you don't want to tell anyone. But Rose we have to go on that TV show next week. You know what Show I'm talking about right?"

"Yeah I know. The Seven, that TV show is one of my favorites."

Yea another interview, I hated them. Every time that I had to be on one of them I felt like I would start remembering the past and freak out, but Jesse was always there with me to keep me calm. Jesse walked out of the room after a while. I looked at the old book that once belonged to Anna and I couldn't help but think about what happened. Why was I with a child and then lost that child overnight. The memories started to come back to me and I couldn't stand that. But I knew that having them around again and knowing who I am now scares me like hell so I just picked up my old trued blade and cut myself to release the pain so that everything would be normal again.

The week passed without them showing up at my door and yet I felt happy for once. I was standing in room, in New York City waiting for Kevin, the host of the Seven to call me out. The time passed real fast though and I was happy.

When I walked out I looked around and noticed that everyone in the room was watching me and I just smiled and said, "Hi, everyone."

"Wow. Rose Nightshade, you are drop dead hot."

"Thank you. But I try to be." I just laughed which made everyone laugh.

He showed me to my seat and said, "So I have some questions for you. How did you get into the music business?"

I looked at him and said, "I'm not sure myself. I was hanging out with some friends who were in the band, the band was Jesse's. I was singing one day and he asked me to join the band. We've been friends for about half a year. So I joined the band… we went to different places and hung out a lot, then this guy was asking us to come into the studio the next day and it went from there."

"Well I bet that was a shocker?"

"It was. I mean I just joined Jesse's band and they needed a singer so here we are today."

"There are a lot of gossip of you and Jesse being a couple? Is this true?"

"No. Just friends, we mostly act like brother and sister. I haven't dated for almost two years. I know when were out in public, he's holding my hand, it's because of my past and he's been helping me out a lot. Our past life is almost the same, so we help each other out, and nothing going on between us or anyone else."

"So I have a question about your songs. It seems that they seem dark or something along those lines. Where do your songs come from?"

"This is a question that is hard for me to answer without crying. They mostly come from my past. I went to a broadening school when I was younger. When I got out of high school… I stayed with a friend. I found out that my friends that I had at that time didn't care for me. So I left. Haven't seen them once until one of the concerts I performed at. They wanted to talk to me and I told them that I'm not the same. Most of my songs are about heartbreak, being strong, try and move one with life and take what life gives you."

"That's a lot. So I have a clip of your new video that aired last night called bring me to life, and I have to ask about your new album that is coming out… is there anything that you can tell us about it?"

"Sure. The album is called Missing and the main song is missing. This whole album is about what life gives you and so much more. Missing is about regrets that people have or that something is missing from their life. It can be anything from a pet, friends or a family member that have passed away. An ex-boyfriend or girlfriend that they once had and wished they didn't break up with them. The other songs are really important to me. Most of what I write is what could happen within seconds thought."

"That's something new. But you were talking about your friends and how they didn't care. What happened?"

"Well I was 17 when the first guy that I loved left. He was older than me. He didn't come back until I moved in with a friend. Then we had to go and find my ex-best friends sister, we slept together again when we found her and staying at a hotel but different rooms. And a few weeks later we didn't talk or nothing. They all stopped caring about me. They acted as if I didn't exist to them anymore."

"That's real sad. Well we're about out of time. But for everyone here we are giving you all a free Cd of the new album and the old one as well. There is also a DVD on what the band has been up to. Hope to see you again soon."

The show ended and I was on my way home. I loved singing and writing because it made me happy for once. My music always changes with what kind of mood I'm in. Now was time to think about writing a new song to see where I should go from there.

I just want to be happy and not worry about what other people were talking about. I loved my life that I have now and I don't want to lose it and go back to the vampire world. I want to have fun and be who I am. I love this life that I'm living and I want this to work.

_**Dimitri's POV**_

For the past two weeks Christian, Eddie, and Guardian Hathaway have been giving me evil glares and looks. They didn't tell anyone about what Rose had told them. God how much I have missed her every day. Every day I wished I could have her in my arms and love her. Tell her how sorry I was and how much of an a** I have been to you and to everyone else.

I tuned on TV to find something one until I found MTV and that show called the Seven was. I noticed the host was talking about Rose Nightshade would be coming out. Then all too soon she was walking out and talking.

"Hi, everyone," She said with a forced smile on her face.

"Wow. Rose Nightshade, you are drop dead hot."

"Thank you. But I try to be." She just laughed which made everyone laugh.

He showed her to a seat and said, "So I have some questions for you. How did you get into the music business?"

She look at and said, "I'm not sure myself. I was hanging out with some friends who were in the band, the band was Jesse's. I was singing one day and he asked me to join the band. We've been friends for about half a year. So I joined the band… we went to different places and hung out a lot, then this guy was asking us to come into the studio the next day and it went from there."

"Well I bet that was a shocker?"

"It was. I mean I just joined Jesse's band and they needed a singer so here we are today."

"There are a lot of gossip of you and Jesse being a couple? Is this true?"

"No. Just friends, we mostly act like brother and sister. I haven't dated for almost two years. I know when were out in public, he's holding my hand, it's because of my past and he's been helping me out a lot. Our past life is almost the same, so we help each other out, and nothing going on between us or anyone else."

"So I have a question about your songs. It seems that they seem dark or something along those lines. Where do your songs come from?"

"This is a question that is hard for me to answer without crying. They mostly come from my past. I went to a broadening school when I was younger. When I got out of high school… I stayed with a friend. I found out that my friends that I had at that time didn't care for me. So I left; haven't seen them once until one of the concerts that I performed at. They wanted to talk to me and I told them that I'm not the same. Most of my songs are about heartbreak, being strong, try and move one with life and take what life gives you."

"That's a lot. So I have a clip of your new video that aired last night called bring me to life, and I have to ask about your new album that is coming out… is there anything that you can tell us about it?"

"Sure. The album is called Missing and the main song is missing. This whole album is about what life gives you and so much more. Missing is about regrets that people have or feeling and or that something is missing from their life. It can be anything from a pet, friends or a family member that have passed away. An ex-boyfriend or girlfriend that they once had and wished they didn't break up with them. The other songs are really important to me. Most of what I write is what could happen within seconds thought."

"That's something new. But you were talking about your friends and how they didn't care. What happened?"

"Well I was 17 when the first guy that I loved left. He was older than me. He didn't come back until I moved in with a friend. Then we had to go and find my ex-best friends sister, we slept together again when we found her and staying at a hotel but different rooms. And a few weeks later we didn't talk or nothing. They all stopped caring about me. They acted as if I didn't exist to them anymore."

"That's real sad. Well we're about out of time. But for everyone here we are giving you all a free Cd of the new album and the old one as well. There is also a DVD on what the band has been up to. Hope to see you again soon."

I turned off the TV and couldn't believe that she would say that. How could she think that? But I knew that all of her songs were mixt of anger, pain, sadness, and so much more. I wanted to go to her and tell her that I would do anything to get her back. But I knew that I couldn't and that she wouldn't want to see any of us ever again. Not after how we all treated her in the end. I just wish that she would let us in so that we could understand her and I knew that she would never forgive us.

"Dimitri what are you doing in here? The party is outside. Abe was looking for you."

I turned my head to see Christian and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm tired and I'm not on duty right now."

I started to move when Christian said, "I know you're pining over Rose and all, But you need to understand that you hurt her where she believes that we're dead to her. She doesn't want us in her new life. No matter what happened. She wants to live her life wild and free and to be away from our world."

"Haven't you noticed that none of us have been the same since she has left. She doesn't hunt the strigoi anymore. She is acting like a human girl and she's not. She's not human."

I told him. I know that she was hurt and upset at everyone. I knew that she was hurting herself before she left. I noticed that she spent more time in the gym and in the church. People were asking if I know what was wrong and I told them I didn't. Which was the truth or what I could see as the truth at the time, but now I wonder if it was more than that.

"We know that. But there are things that you cannot know. Things that me, Eddie, and Rose's mother is pissed off about and that we all agree that you should have told her the truth instead of sleeping with her and after she got out of the hospital that you should have talked to her instead of thinking that she would just forget what happened. She loves you Dimitri. More than you can know. But she's hurting and if you go after her now you'll lose her again."

"Than what am I to do. She has no guardian with her. No one to protect her if something was to happen to her. Plus our dear Queen needs me as her guardian instead of some dhampir acting like a human."

"Dimitri why don't you get some rest. We have a plan of trying to talk to Rose. But for now you need rest."

A/N: What do you all think of this? I know its long but the next chapter will be better. SO please review.

RoseSkyAngel


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All rights goes to Richelle Mead, I only own the plot, jesse and the band members.**

_**Rose POV**_

Waking up in a cold sweat I knew that I had that stupid dream again that something bad was going to happen. But I shook it off as I was looking outside. Maya and Cate walked in my room and Maya said, "Wanna go shopping with us?"

I looked at them and noticed that my cell phone was buzzing. I walked over and answered it and said, "Hello?"

"Oh Rose, how are you? You're mother told me what happened because I am you're father, you want me to do something bad to him?"

OH shit how could she tell him. I didn't want him to know anything about what had happened, he was the last person that I wanted to tell. Not really but one of the last people I wanted to tell. I looked at my two friends and said, "Not right could you please leave."

"Sure. I guess it'll be just us again." Said Cate, when they left the room I just thought about what he just said and then I said, "Hey Zemy, no don't worry about it. It doesn't matter anymore. How in the world did you get this number old man? No one has this number as far as I can remember."

"It wasn't that hard. I called one of your friends and I know that something happened and I want to come and see my dear daughter later today, more like in two hours. I would like to talk. I promise that I won't try and talk to you about coming back to our world. But this is important Rose. Please, your mother was pissed and she wanted to go after him, also she was upset with you and that you didn't say anything to anyone, but I told her that I would talk to you and that you wanted him left alone, am I right?"

"Fine. Since you know this number, you know where to find me. Can you pick up our favorite food please? Also thank you for talking mom out of it. When you get here I'll tell what I can."

"Of course. I'll be by soon so don't leave you house."

Just like that the phone went dead. I texted everyone and said: I need you all to leave. My father is coming over so I need the house to myself. I received a replay from everyone and Cate reminded me that we would be getting things for our own TV show soon and that everything has to be done before they come. Of course I forgot all about that. I texted everyone and told them which rooms were off limits which were our privet rooms, our music room and so on. Also Maya texted me saying that the camera crew will be here about 11:30 to set up and at noon they'll be filming us tomorrow.

I thought about doing our own TV show and knew that this was something that I wanted. I wanted to show the world what we do when we don't perform on stage or writing our songs. Lately Jesse and the other members have been working on their own songs but they didn't want to breakaway form us so, they used or name but used the number 2 at the end. But we each know how to play anything but also we feel better when we are in our normal spots and playing our interments.

Once I finished texting everyone I needed to get ready to see my father because I knew he would be here on time. When he made it to my place, no one was home when my father came in the house. He looked at me and said, "Well, you're mother was right that you did change a lot over the year."

I looked at my father and said, "Yeah, I feel a little bit better that I'm out of the vampire world. I feel almost free. But daddy, I haven't been with anyone since Dimitri. I promise you that. No one has gotten a yes, and the boys in my band, they're like brother to me. They keep me safe when I get scared."

My father looked at me as he set a pizza, and other types of foods down on the table for us to eat. I knew he was mad but he didn't want me to know how pissed off he was. He looked at me and said, "Rose, that's the first time that you have called me daddy. Yet when you were younger, I think you were two you called me daddy once. Now this is something that worries me."

"Funny. But I'm telling the truth. I'm almost happy. Yet I'm still hurting about what happened. I thought that no one cared for me when I left. The only reason why I say that is because no one talked to me to see how I was doing. No matter what I did, no one wanted to talk to me or see how I was doing. You and mom had another child and I just felt left out."

My father walked over to me and hugged me and said, "I'm always on your side. But I love you. Even if you don't wish to come back, I would like to get to know my daughter, but I have a question, would you like a guard here with you at all times, if you do I can get you and you're band members some. I know that you haven't been training as much as you used to. But at night I worry about you."

I looked at my father and knew that he was right, that I needed a bodyguard and that my band members needed one as well. I didn't want anything to happen to my friends because they needed to stay safe and sound no matter what. I looked at my father and said, "Sure, but please, I don't want them to talk about the vampire world and their marks must be hidden or covered up at all time because I don't want my friends to go and get them okay."

My father looked at me and said, "Okay, I agree with that."

We were talking and all of the band members were home and I introduced them to my father and vice versa. After a while later the camera crew was filming us and my father was with me the whole time. It was one of our ware father daughter moments.

The hours passed and it was almost dark outside and my father looked at me and said, "I better be going now. You're mother and the others will be worried about me. I'll call in a few days to let you know how many guards I could get for you and your band members. Please stay safe and don't worry, I'll make sure he doesn't-"

"Don't worry about it daddy, I need to do this on my own. Tell my mom I would like to talk to her and the same with Eddie, and Christian. I miss them more because of all the stuff we used to get in trouble for."

"I'll tell them. We'll be here soon. I'm not letting you drop of the radar again and I'm telling the truth. You drop off again little girl, and you are coming home. I don't care if you are kicking or screaming, I'll use Eddie and Christian in the plan. I mean it."

"I won't. I will never go away again. I just don't want to see the others just yet. They don't have a choice because I chose this life."

ABE POV

I walked out the door and watched as my daughter was closing the door and noticed that she had nothingness in her eyes the whole time that I was there. She finally mastered her poker face after only a year. I wanted to hurt Dimitri so bad, but I knew that Rose wanted to handle this whole thing on her own, yet at the same time she was scaring me because she was out here in the world where anything can harm her.

"Ken, I need you to see how many guardians that are not guarding anymore for me after we get back to court and I would like you to also check my guards in Russia and turkey for me please? This is important."

"Yes sir. I will see to it once we return to court."

Once I was in the car I thought back to the time I was with Rose and how she was acting. She was holding up really good with me, her mother, Eddie, Christian, and seeing the others at her last concert. She looked like she was having the time of her life out on the stage. At the same time she was scared that something would go wrong. Just the same way she was acting tonight.

I stole on of her music note books and read through some of her songs. Yet only one stud out and I was thinking about how much my little girl has been through.

I know what this life is

I can see your lies in your eyes

I know you love me and I know you hate me

So please tell me what did I do to make you hate me so much

I cannot stand this pain so let he blood run out of my veins

I cannot feel you

I cannot see you anymore. U have hurt me for the every last time

For the very last time that you cannot wait till I'm dead to kill me again.

There was more to this, but I couldn't look at the rest of what she has written because I knew that she would be hurting so bad because of what had happen. Knowing how much this is going to piss her off but I've talked to Lissa and she wants Rose back. She made a mistake. She regrets what had happen and that she wanted her best friend back. But knowing the truth it was something more than what it looked like on the inside.

Once at court Christian met me at the car park and said, "How is she?"

"She's changed alright. Also she's still hurting. I guess she doesn't want to open up to me just yet. I should have brought her mom and not have gone alone. She's doing fine, but I know she's still hurting. She wants all of us back and yet at the same time she doesn't want us. I've never seen her like this Christian. She even called me Daddy twice. I know that she isn't herself and she doesn't even eat enough food anymore."

"Abe, how much does she eat now?"

"Maybe what a two year old eats. She's not that healthy. She's also writes about death and the worst part is, she doesn't even train to fight anymore. I'm trying to find some guardians to go and protect her and her band members."

"That's a lot of work. But one of us needs to try and get through to her. She needs to know what's going because things happen. And now we need our Rose back. She might be able to keep her life, but she needs to train and eat what she normally eats. "

"I agree."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All rights goes to Richelle Mead, I only own the plot, jesse and the band members.

Rose PV

I was working on my new song since we didn't have to leave New York for a while. I was happy. But in my mind I was wondering when Abe would be back. The Camera crews were going to be with us from now till the end of the tour and I was happy for once. I just wanted to be left alone from everyone from my past life. I just wanted to have a normal life with normal problems.

Thinking about the song I was trying to write, yet nothing came to mind. Yet I had once song that I could use and I wanted to but no one would let me because they thought it wasn't that good. But I needed to. I just hope that I could let them see the song and use it.

"Rose, some guy named Abe is waiting for you in the music room." Called Mike.

I looked at Mike and he looked somewhat like Mason did. But instead of red hair he has black with blonde highlights, and dark blue eyes. I looked at the song one more time and put it away.

"Thanks Mike. But is he alone or is there someone else with him?"

"Alone. But there are people outside the house, like they are body guards. Do you know anything about this?"

"I think I do. But I'll let you and the others know later, well I better go and have a chat with my father then, since he drove all this way here to see me."

"Wow your father?" said one of the camera crew.

"Yep." I said with fake happiness.

Walking out of my room and down to the music room I knew this couldn't be good. I wanted nothing to do with this world, but when my father wants something he mostly gets it. Yet at the same time he could never get me to go back to the vampire world with him because I can't deal with that life anymore. When Abe saw me he said, "Can we close the door so that they can't hear what we're talking about?"

"Yep," then I turned to the crew and said, "Sorry, but this is something that you guys can't here. My father and I have a strange father daughter relationship going on. So sorry guys."

After I closed the door I looked at my father and said, "Who did you hire as guards and I hope that you didn't hire him?"

"Sorry Rose. But I did. It's- here me out before you start. He's the only one that I could trust as your guard. Please don't be mad. He's under some rules about how much he can say with your friends and the camera crews around. So don't worry and if he gets a little too friendly with you just let me know and I'll have a talk with him."

I knew from the start that this was going to be bad, but why did I have to put up with this. It's stupid. I left to get away from him and the others and I didn't want him in my life after what he did to me. I looked at my father and said, "Do you know what he did to me. How much pain I was in. what I had lost because of him? Didn't mom tell you? Don't you know that I was going to have something that I never wanted and then I realized that I did and then that night happened? Did mom tell you the full story of what happened?"

Abe looked at me with sad eyes that I have never seen before and said, "She told me. She told me that you missed carried his child. You were hurt and you acted different and also because your shadow kissed that you can have a child. I know Rose. I know what he did to you. What you went through to get him back and have him turn his back on you. I know my angel I know."

I started to cry and Abe walked over to me and hugged me so tightly and I just cried more and I was shaking so bad that I wanted to hide away so that no one could fine me. I wanted to be happy and yet I can't be happy. Like that one saying says "you can't run from your past because at some point it'll catch up to you sooner or later."

After while I let go and looked at Abe and said, "Sorry. So who are the guards?"

"Come and you can meet them little girl."

Abe never showed his soft side to anyone as far as I knew, but me and my mother. Just having him hold me when I was crying was strange but at the same time I was happy that I had my father my life though I never wanted to see anyone from my old life, but I had to put up with everything for now. We walked out from the music room and outside. I saw Dimitri at once and knew he wanted to talk to me but I couldn't let him. Abe showed me where the rest of they were and they were all talking to one another. I wanted to run back inside and hide.

"Rose, these are the guards, you already know Dimitri, he's in charge of these guys. The seconded in command is Sara, she's from England. Then you have her brother Mark, next is Luke, Drew, David, Dre, Maya, Amy, Amanda, Nick, Mick, Mac, Kay, Lea, Jack, Ava, Anna, and Tom. They will be guarding you and your band members. Ten will take the day shift while you're home and ten at night. Also when your one the road again they will have different shifts. Plus two will leave when one person is away. I'm sending some more later on so that they can trade shift through the day and night so that some can go and live their lives as well."

I didn't like this, but it was either this or nothing and I had to put up with everything. I felt as if I couldn't breathe but I forced myself to breathe as I looked at my father and I said, "Thank you Daddy."

"Wait a minute Zemy you forgot us." Came a voice that I knew all too well. Dimitri's little sister. Viktoria.

We turned around and saw Viktoria and Sydney. They both looked too young to be out of school, but knowing Abe, he had something planed. That's when I didn't like being his daughter because we were alike and on told of that he could force me back home and I would try and run but he would find me again. But why did his little sister have to be here. Why!

"Oh I did, didn't I. Sorry girls. I guess you both know my daughter, so I better go. Please remember what I told you all. Not to say a word to Rose and the Band about what's up and also be quiet while they are practicing their music okay."

Everyone one said that the same time, "We promise."

"Well my daughter I have to go home and see your mom. We'll be at the next concert, so don't act mad."

"I won't. But don't bring them because you know how I am. So please call next time when you come over okay."

"I will, I promise."

With that said my father walked to his car and got in. I walked inside and showed the guards where they could stay and Dimitri made up who was sharing with whom. Yet Sydney and Dimitri's little sister were having a room by themselves which was okay with me.

I was happy that my father did come through with the guards. While I was in the music room later that day Dimitri walked in and said, "I need to know how many band members there are so that I can see how many people have to be with them."

I really didn't want to talk to him but I did anyways so that he could get away from me, but I didn't look at him when I said, "Well, there is me, Jesse, Tom or Tommy, Luck, Maya or May, Cate and Mike. They have nick manes and I already told you that, so is there anything else you need."

"No. That will be all for now."

He walked out of the room and I just stayed there. I just wanted to be myself and to be happy and yet how can I do that with him here. I didn't want him back in my life but I guess that I can do this. I have to pretend that he doesn't bother me being here.

"Rose are you ready to go over some songs so that you can try and get them in so that we can sing them at the concert that we do." Said Jesse.

"Yep. And everyone else can do a few songs. So that we each can have fun and do what we like and see what we could use for the next tour that is coming up."

"Wow, we've been after you about this for a year and now you agree."

"What can I tell you, our band rock with different people singing besides me. So let's Rock."

Viktoria pov

Rose looked so different when I saw her standing next to Abe. I couldn't believe how sad her eyes were. Yet Abe sent me here so that I could be the only female guard near his daughter and also the Queen was worried about her. I have my promise mark and yet I didn't want to come here, but when Abe said that Rose needed someone to look out for her besides her band members, I told him I would.

I was looking around the house and found the gym down stairs. I knew she worked out still but this would be good for us guardians. I looked over at the door and saw Dimitri, my only brother. He looked at me and said, "Why did you agree to come here? Why did you come here without telling me you were coming?"

"I'm sorry Dimitri, but I care about Rose. When I last saw her, before she left our family, something bad happened and I forgive her. Abe told me that he was the one who pushed her to make choice about something. I was mad at Rose because I didn't want to believe her about something. But enough about me. How have you been?"

"I've been better. But I just wish Rose would quit acting like a child and just come home where she belongs. But she won't because one me."

"How do you know that Dimitri, right?"

I looked over and saw Jesse, he was like us. A Dhampir and also one of Rose's band members. He looked at Dimitri and me and said, "There are a lot of reasons why she left. I can't tell you the reasons why, but one was because of you, Dimitri and everyone else. You all turned you're back against her. She's hurting because no one even tried to talk to her beside Eddie. He was the only one who cared but you and the others didn't care. You just didn't want her after what she did for you guys, what she did for you Dimitri."

I looked at Jesse and said, "I don't know what happened. The only thing I know is that Rose couldn't handle things and left to try and live her own life. That's what I heard. Beside the story that Dimitri told me."

"Really, maybe you should try and talk to Rose and get the story straight. You're brother here told her that his love had faded for here. After a while she couldn't control herself. When she started the band she tried to drink herself to death and a lot of other things. Slowly she started to put all of her pain, sadness and whatever else she felt into her songs."

"Why did you say that when the camera crew could come down here?" said my brother really pissed off.

"Sorry but this is another room that they are not allowed in beside our bedroom, bathrooms, the music rooms and so on. But you better make sure that the guardians are under control. Oh and we each help with dinner. So what we eat you all eat. Just have a few help us out okay. Rose is a good cook but she sometimes burns the food."

"Thank you for telling us something about Rose." I said.

I walked out of the room and into the kitchen and saw Rose cooking. She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry for what happ-"

"Forget about it. When you left and my brother had you….then you got away and found Abe, he told us that you left to go back home. I'm sorry that I got mad at you. Abe told me why you did what you did. I'm sorry, but you and my brother belong together."

"No, you were right, we didn't. I was stupid teenager who was in love with her teacher at the time, I should have known that it wouldn't work out in the end. So how is you're family?"

"Their good. But Yeva is mad at Dimitri about what he did. Also Paul misses you a lot. He even smacked Dimitri really hard for what he did. My sisters were in the middle, but mom wasn't sure if she should be happy that her son is back or mad that he lied to you. Do you need so help?"

"Sure."

We worked together on dinner because the time flew by. I noticed that Rose wasn't the same anymore and that she was truly broken and filled with so much anger and hate that she went to her room and after a few minutes she came back down with a bandage around her wrist. I so wanted to talk to her about it but the camera crew were watching us as we were making dinner. After a while the rest of the band members we helping out and so where some of the guardians and I was happy that Rose did have some friends helping her out in the end.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

Rose POV

A week has passed since everyone was working together. I was happy that his little sister was here. But sad because she would be mad at me once he and the others knew the truth. I wanted to be left alone and I wanted to peace. I didn't want to be dragged back into that world.

"Rose are you ready to practice that song that you wrote?"

"Umm. Sure."

Once in the practice room I heard the music and i started to singing:

_Nana, nanana, nana_

_I miss you, miss you so bad_

_I don't forget you, oh it's so sad_

_I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly_

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found it won't be the same_

_Nana, nanana, nana_

_I didn't get around to kiss you, goodbye on the hand_

_I wish that I could see you again, I know that I can't_

_I hope you can hear me, 'cause I remember it clearly_

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found it won't be the same_

_I've had my wake up, won't you wake up_

_I keep asking why?_

_And I can't take it it wasn't fake it_

_It happened you passed by_

_Now you're gone, now you're gone_

_There you go, there you go_

_Somewhere I can't bring you back_

_Now you're gone, now you're gone_

_There you go, there you go_

_Somehow you're not coming back_

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found it won't be the same_

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found it won't be the same_

_Nana, nanana, nana_

_I miss you_

Each line remained me of him and how he had left me twice after he had changed back. Soon I noticed that He was by the music room listening to us. I wanted to scream and get out of here but I couldn't. After a few minutes Maya looked at me and said, "Rose, do you have that other song ready for us?"

"Yep and we are going to be playing this song when we're on tour."

Maya looked at the at the words and said, "you wrote this?"

"yep and I want you to sing this for me please."

"Sure."

So she started to sing the song.

Well, I couldn't tell you

Why she felt that way

She felt it every day

And I couldn't help her

I just watched her make

The same mistakes again

What's wrong, what's wrong now?

Too many, too many problems

Don't know where she belongs

Where she belongs

She wants to go home

But nobody's home

That's where she lies

Broken inside

With no place to go

No place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside

Open your eyes

And look outside

Find the reasons why

You've been rejected

And now you can't find

What you've left behind

Be strong, be strong now

Too many, too many problems

Don't know where she belongs

Where she belongs

She wants to go home

But nobody's home

That's where she lies

Broken inside

With no place to go

No place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside

Her feelings she hides

Her dreams she can't find

She's losing her mind

She's falling behind

She can't find her place

She's losing her faith

She's falling from grace

She's all over the place, yeah

She wants to go home

But nobody's home

That's where she lies

Broken inside

With no place to go

No place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside

She's lost inside, lost inside

Oh oh

She's lost inside, lost inside

Oh oh, oh

Later that night everything was good. Yet I stayed in my room and I didn't feel like eating yet again and I wanted to be left alone.

Jesses's pov

I noticed that Rose wasn't in the kitchen working on dinner. I saw Maya and she looked at me and said, "This isn't like her. I mean that she's always in the kitchen at this time of the day. Plus the fact that she's only missed a meal for a week one time."

"May let her be. I'll see if I can find her. But don't forget that she needs time to get use to everything that is going on right now."

I left the kitchen and walked around our house/mansion trying to find Rose. I noticed that she hasn't been herself in a few days. The carmea people were following me around. Once I found Rose in her room with her door partly opened. I knocked on the door and she called, "Come in. Its open."

I walked in and shut the door and looked at her and said, "are you okay? I mean I know with him being here its driving you crazy. I know it doesn't help with you being locked in your room. Now you need to come out and eat and then get ready because we're going out and watch a movie. Are you up for that?"

"No. you guys can go ahead. I need time to be alone and time to think about what I'm going to be doing. So you go and have fun okay."

I knew that she was upset but I had no choice. I agreed with her. I walked down stairs and Cate looked at me and said, "That bad?"

"Yeah. It's like this every year this time. she doesn't eat, only writes songs, and also locks herself in her bedroom or the music room, or in the one room that's off limits to everyone in the house. Which we each have a room that's off limits, but she locks herself away and doesn't even go out to clubs."

"Cate, Jess, let's give her this time to rest. We all know that something happened and she doesn't want us to know about just yet. We need to keep everything as normal as we can. So let's just hang out and plan something for Rose, because her birthday is coming up soon before our next tour. Plus the first concert is free because of her birthday and also that our birthdays are really close together." Said Maya with a worried look on her face.

Soon we all eat dinner and started to get ready for clubbing.

Viktoria pov

I noticed that Rose was hardly talking to my brother or anyone else for that matter. But I knew something was wrong and I was worried. Sydeny knew that something was up with Rose. We both tried to talk to her and see if we could fix it. But she would shut us down and I worry every day that she doesn't eat. It seems as if she was trying to die inside.

I only had one choice and that was to call Abe. I knew he would know what was wrong with her. Plus it didn't help when you have the carmes crews in the house filming everything that we were doing and what we were talking about.

"Abe. What do you need Viktoria?"

"Sorry to call Abe, but for the past three days Rose hasn't been eating or acting like she did the day we were dropped off here. Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"I might know of one reason. Your brother hasn't tried talking to her has he?"

"No, but I know somewhat what he did to Rose. I'm not sure about the full story yet. But it would be better if you could come back and talk to her and try and get her to eat. It would be better than nothing."

"I will and thank you. I'll be their soon."

We hung up and I walked to Rose's room and noticed that she wasn't in her room. I found her journal and looked at it. I noticed that there was nothing for me to use and I knew that I was running out of time. I needed to know the whole truth about what happened to Dimitri and Rose. I needed to know because I needed to understand what's going on between them. I looked through the journal and nothing stood out as a warning on her feelings.

Rose's POV

It's been a long day. I noticed that Dimitri would be watching me and the nightmares were the same when I laid down to try and sleep. Noting would work so I had to get up. I walked down to the kitchen and got a glass of water when I smelled his aftershave.

I turned and looked at him. He looked at me and said, "You haven't been eating for the pass few days. What's wrong? You can tell me. Please Rose."

"It's nothing okay."

I knew that was a lie but I couldn't let him in, well not when I've been dreaming of the past that I once lost because of what happened. I wanted nothing to do with that world or with any world really. But I wanted to know what would happen if I changed my mind about these things.

"Rose please tell me what's wrong with you because I know this isn't you. Please tell me what is wrong with you?"

"you can't know. I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I was the one who left the court for reasons that I'm not ready to tell you or anyone else right now. Please let it be and let me go for now."

"You told your mother, Christian, and someone else. But you can't tell me. I know that you still train and I want to know why if you cut yourself off from our world."

"I trained because I want to stay in shape. I know that I turned out to be the worst person that was born into that world and I don't care anymore. Just lay off okay."

I saw the flash backs and the pain and I knew what I had to do and I needed to do this I needed let all of this pain out of me and show myself what would happen to me. I went to my room and took out my army knife and slit my writs. I felt the pain slowly die down and I fell into darkness.

ABE'S POV

I got to Rose's house/ Mansion and noticed the smell of blood, I raced into the house and saw Dimitri by the main door to the house. I looked at him and said, "Where is Rose?"

"Her room sir. Why do you ask?"

I didn't tell him. I raced to her room and found her on the floor with blood coming from her wrist and I knew what caused this or a little of what caused this pain that she was in and that was what was bothering her. Dimitri came in after I grabbed a washcloth from the floor and placed it on the wounded that the blood was coming out from.

"Dimitri your mother is out in the car. Go get and you sister. We need to get her patched up right now."

He was gone before I could say anything else. I got my daughter into her bed and made sure that the blood wouldn't get on her bed. I noticed that Olena, Dimitri's mother walked in she started working on my daughter and I looked at Dimitri and said, "Is there a room off limits here ?"

"Yes down the hall why?"

"No reason. Will you go back to your post because I think your mother has it under control."

When they left I told Olena that she hasn't eat that much since I came to see her. I even talked to Jesse and he told me that once a year for a few weeks she doesn't eat. Doesn't sleep, and she always locked herself in the off limits room, music room, gym, or in her room. With those in mind I made sure that Olena didn't need my help and I walked down to the off limits room and opened the door. I noticed that there was another door with a lock code. I punched in every date, number and everything. I finally found the digests and they were the year she left the court and something else wasn't right.

When I opened the door I noticed that the room was filled with pictures, books, DVD's, CD's, and a lot of journals. And a lot of boxes of letters that she had written and I found a box that was filled with knives and they had a date on them when she would use them and how long she had used them.

I found her first journal and sat down and opened up and read what it said.

_Day one_

_Today I made my choice. I'm leaving. I'm going to write a little bit about myself before I get into anything more. I'm Rosemarie Hathaway I just got out of high school (The academy) and I'm leaving court. I was supposed to be guarding my best friend and bond mate, which I did for two years or something like that. But it has been longer than that._

_Why am I leaving court? I know the reasons. There are a lot of reasons. I need to get away and stay away from everyone for a while. They all a banded me when I need them the most. There a lot of reasons._

_Now that I'm in a hotel room thinking about what I should do, I decided to change my hair and eye color. Of course I saved money this time. I knew I would be leaving one day after I tried and helped my best friend who hates me right now. _

_After finding her sister, getting my named cleared, and miss carried a child, I can't handle anything else. My friends and family stopped carrying after I had gotten out of the hospital. Then I found out if was with a child and that the child's father didn't care about me after we made love a seconded time. I hoped that he would come back to me after I had gotten out of the hospital but it didn't happen. Dimitri was the father to my child, and who could I be with a child and being what I am (Note to self, use D, M, S for what I used to be and what my ex-best friends and family and what tries to kill us besides the humans.) and what he was. We were both D's and the only way I could think about being with a child must have been because I'm shadow kissed. _

_After the gun shot I couldn't feel Lissa anymore, but a few weeks later I felt her again but I didn't tell her because I knew that she didn't care about me because I made her father look bad. But she had accepted Jill as her sister. Soon after that Lissa married Christian and I was left out of the loop. I was in her head while she was being walked down the aisle with my father right next to her. No one noticed that I wasn't there and no one carried. _

_Time slowly stood still for me; I couldn't deal with this anymore. I wrote letters last night to everyone and called them and told them to not look for me because they won't find me. That I couldn't deal with this life anymore. I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. I wanted nothing more with a life that I couldn't have. I packed everything up, found a place to live and sent them money two weeks ago and sent most of my things over to New York City, hey I went their when Lissa was looking for a Wedding Dress, and I had to guard her. When I had a brake I found a place and had everything set. _

_Now I'm waiting for a bus to come through so that I could leave this place. I didn't want to be here if all I was getting were nightmares and not one asking how I am, plus I had enough charmed rings to last me for a while, if not then I'll just try and take the darkness out some other way. Wow its late I better stop now. _

_RHM_


	8. Chapter 8

**Cahpter 8**

**Disclaimer: I don't own vampire academy. Richelle Mead does, I only own the plot and Jesse and the other band members. **

_Day 2_

_It's been hard for the last few hours. I stayed at a hotel and I changed my hair and eye color. I felt happy for once. I feel as if all the eyes and pressure has finally been lifted from my shoulders. I feel different. I'm starting to feel alive. Sitting on this bus on my way to New York City and I know that things will be hard for me. the first thing I'm going to do is find a job so that I can work. _

_I have not had one feeling that reminds me of my old life. I feel happy that I can try and live on my own and not worry about what people say at court or what my ex-friends say about me. I bought a new lap top so I didn't have to worry about the old one which I ditched at a Café this morning. I wrote to everyone threw emails, text messages, and face-booked them, myspaced them, and called them, before I left I wrote letters to everyone. I wanted them to all know that I was fine and that they should quit looking for me. _

_Sitting on this bus and looking out the windows, I couldn't help be remember what it was like when I ran from the academy with Lissa, it was so different. We never been out in the real world where no one knew who we were, why we left and what we were going to face. I was a bit scared, but I did it for her. Everything that I had done these past few years were for her. I gave up my life so that she could be safe, and yet the only thing that I wanted was to have my one true love to say that he was sorry and that he loves me and wants me back no matter what. But that is a silly dream._

_I've lost everything I've carried about, when I found out I was with a child I was so happy, I found out that the child would have been a little girl. I felt scared and happy at the same time. I was having Dimitri's child, Dimitri my one true love, my mentor at the academy. The one guy that I would ever allow to touch me in a way I won't let another man touch me. yet I feel sad because I rememeber the day I was going to tell him, when I went to his room I noticed he wasn't there. Later that day Eddie told me he went to see his family in Russian for a few days._

_Within those day I've waited for him to come back, I called his mother, Olena and asked her if Dimitri was around, she told me he was out with Paul and that he would be back later. She even asked me if she wanted to tell him that I called. I told her don't worry about it. When I hung up Lissa walked into my room and wanted to know why I called Olena for. I told her that I didn't have to tell her and that it's not important. I turned around and left._

_Coming back out of all the memories I have of my past life, there was one that stilled wondered in my mind and that was what if I told Dimitri about the child and yet I was scared to. Within three months of being back he started dating, but he wouldn't have anyone stay the night with him and he wouldn't stay at someone else house. Yet the words in my mind were What if I told him? What would he do? What would he think of me then? Would be want the child that I was carrying? _

_The bus pulled to a stop at a gas station so that everyone could get off. I need to get something to eat. I just wish there was someone at court that I could talk to. To tell them what was going one with me, and yet their wasn't anyone, they all turned their backs on me for the last time._

_RHM_

_Day 8_

_Its been a few days since I've been in NYC and its good. I feel a lot better then I thought I could. I've been working at a bar and I met Jesse. He's the one who had gotten me the job in the first place. He's like us. He left our world so that he could live his own life and try and help out the street kids that get into trouble. I feel safe here in the city. I haven't seen in S's in a while and I'm happy about that. But I still train. Jesse and I meet up every day since I started working. _

_Jesses doesn't know about me story or what happened at court. He knows that I left because everyone has been trying to find me. But I broke down yesterday and that's when I told Jesse everything. He was so upset that he started to make pizza's, and bake some goodies. _

_I've checked in of Lissa and everyone and I know they are trying to find me. I took out my phone and called everyone and told them that to try and not find me. That I was face and sound and that I wasn't coming back and Lissa needed to find another way to try and get rid of the darkness without me taking the darkness._

_RHM_

_Day 20_

_It's been a while since I started working here and a few weeks went by. I went home last night after I run at 3am and my place was broken into. I called Jesses and asked if I could stay with him, because all of my money that I had was missing and almost all of my jewelry was gone, but not the necklace that my mother had given to me that one Christmas that I lost mason. _

_Now I'm at Jesse's house and the only thing I had to deal with was the other roommates and when they have band practices. I told him that would be fine. I'm in my own room and writing, I took out a picture of everyone at court and look at each person and I knew that my heart was still breaking because I was upset that no one tried to talk to me since I cleared my name. Since Dimitri told me after he came back from Russia and saying that I was wrong about him forgiving himself for what he did to me. Since he told me that he didn't want me anymore and that night at the hotel shouldn't have happened and that it was wrong._

_All of these feelings hurt like hell and I can't stand this feeling. I wanted to go back and wake up and have all of this a nightmare and that I'm in the arms of my true love. I can't even go out on a date with a guy because its hurts to know that what if Dimitri walked in and says that he was sorry about what he did to me. I would laugh if they find out that I was going to have a child. That would be funny because they were the ones who helped killed the child because Hans and Lissa wouldn't let have some time off from guarding. The Doctor had to checked me when I got into a fight with the S's and found out that I had missed carried and Lissa yelled at me for being weak and having Christian burn the S's down with his fire element. _

_That night Dimitri yelled at me and told me that I was better than to let and S get anywhere near me. I didn't say anything. When I finally left the hospital at court and went to my room I cried for hours and hours. I didn't show up the next few days to guard Lissa because the Doctor told me that I should be on bed rest. Eddie was waiting for me to see how I was so that he could tell Hans and Lissa. When the Doctor told him that I needed to be on bed rest for a while, Eddie went to Hans and told him what happened. Of course Eddie found out that I was with a child and he got pissed because I didn't tell him._

_All of these memories are killing me right now. Yet I looked around and noticed that no one will be able to find me now and that I was happy for. _

_RHM_

_Day 24_

_I just woke up. I was pulled in to Lissa's mind and I remember everything. Lissa/me were in the hospital talking to the doctor. Lissa was with a child, but she somehow got a hold of my medical records. She was reading them. She looked up and saw my mother, father, Christian, Eddie, Mai, Dimitri, Jill, and Adrian. She was reading the file, but she noticed that a page a missing. She looked up at the Doctor and said, "Why was Rose put on bed rest when she got back to court a week before she went missing?"_

_"She was…the only thing that I can tell you is that Rose was slowly trying to kill herself while she was guarding you my Queen. Each time she would fight them and she would give up. But when someone saved her life she would be brought in here and the last time she was here Dimitri yelled at her for being stupid about letting them get close to her. There is another reason and yet I cannot tell you. I'm sorry my queen, if you wish to know you should find the young Hathaway. She'll tell you in her own time."_

_The doctor left the room and Lissa looked at my father and he said, "I think I'm close to finding her. But I'm not sure. She mail me a letter the other day and it said to quit looking to me because if you find me I'll leave or do something that I wanted to do a long time ago…I don't know what that means. But she know what your plans are Lissa."_

_Then I pulled from the bond and looked at the time. it was late at night. I wanted time to chill out and yet I couldn't get a more hours of sleep._

_RHM_

_Day 100_

_It's been while since court. I'm in Jesse's band since he needed a good singer for this one song that were going to sing last night. I told them I could sing and they let me. They didn't know how good I was. After the preforming last night, a producer was looking for a band that was fresh and whild, and also that brought something more into their songs. _

_When he walked over to us last night and talked to us, we looked at each other and told him we could met him today at 1. So we walked to meet him and we all agreed. But we told him that we could sing, and play anything. And that we took turns writing songs, so he had our group down as a mix group. So we had a lot of papers to sign. _

_Now the flash backs and nightmares were starting again when I took a nap….i couldn't escape the dreams until Jesse woke me. the hour I walked into the bathroom and cut myself and let out all of the pain that I was feeling. I pasted out and Jesse found me and rushed me to the hospital….he told me to tell him everything after we got home. That's what I did, now I'm writing not to try and lock my memories, to try and get rid of all of this pain that my past life has brought me over time._

_RHM_

**ABE's POV**

I read a lot about what my daughter wrote. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was almost 3am. I got up and took her journal with me and walked out of the room and locked everything up. I walked to Rose's room and saw Olena place a wash cloth on my daughters forehead.

"Olena how is she?"

"She's fine. But she's been screaming in her sleep…but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. She'll be up in the morning. I'm going to get some rest. Oh I'm going to have a word with your song in the morning. I found out some things and reasons why she left court and I'm pretty pissed off."

"I'm sorry Abe. I knew something was up when Dimitri came to visit us after he was changed back, because Yeva called him something that I will not say and also she slapped him across the face because the way he treated Rose. But I swear that I didn't know what was going on."

"Don't worry about it. I need to sleep. I'll see you in the morning then."

I walked out of the room and went to another room that wasn't being used and went to sleep with ideas of hurting Dimitri.

Rose's POV

I woke up the next morning at 9am when someone placed a wash cloth onto my face. I opened to see Dimitri's mother there. I looked at her and said, "Hi Miss. Belikovs, how have you been?"

"Hello to you to Rose. I've heard about you running away from court. I'm sorry about what my son put you through."

Just then my father walked in with one of my old journals. He looked at me and said, "I've read some of this already, I need to take care of some things and then I want to talk to you."

"Don't hurt him Daddy."

When my father left I got out of bed and followed him because he didn't say anything to him. When he walked to the door that lead to our back yard. I noticed that two guardians were holding Dimitri down. My father looked at him and said, "I want to the truth Dimitri. You lied to me once and you will not lie to me this time. Did you have a relationship with my daughter while she was in school? Did you sleep with her before she turned 18? Did you break up with her while you were at court once you changed back? How many times did you sleep with my daughter?"

"Twice. Yes we had feelings for each other at the academy. But we tried to stay away from each other. We gave into each other at the academy and once before we brought Jill to court. They were the only times. I love your daughter and I'm stupid for what I had done twice and I hate myself for what I had done to her when I was changed and when I changed back I wanted nothing to do with your daughter because of what I had done to her in the past."

I father hit him hard enough to leave a nice mark across the face. Then my father looked at him and said, "You did know that she was with a child after you came back from seeing your family after she was changed? She was with a child and she lost that child while she was guarding the Queen because no one wanted her on bed rest. When she lost that child she was trying to find ways to kill herself and yet all this time not one knows the truth. She went through a lot and we all turned out backs on her. Thanks to you Dimitri, Rose is never coming back to our world. She tried to kill herself again. This is your last chance to make things right with her….."

I walked away after that and went to the music room. I looked up at the clock and knew that we would be leaving soon. Now new tour will be starting tomorrow in New York City's central park and it was a free concert and the only thing we ask for in donations for the poor and the street kids. Jesse and I have been working with them and trying to get them job and teaching them how to defined themselves against some of the people who have been trying to get them to deal in drugs and all the other shit.

"Rose, are you okay?"

I looked up and saw Maya, she walked into the room and I looked at her and said, "I'm fine, just a bit tired. I guess were leaving in an hour for the concert for tomorrow night?"

"Yep, so are you ready to start a new tour with some fun and games."

We've been home for a month because around this time of the year I take time off from touring because I needed to be home so that nightmares wouldn't start up. I looked at the time and then I said, "I better-"

"I've packed for you already. We're just waiting for a few people to get finished. Everything is loaded up. Your bedroom on the bus in already set up for you. My bedroom and Cate's are finished and the guy's bus is finished. We're just waiting for an extra that your father has gotten for the body guards. Six of them are going to be on our bus. Two for you, two for me, and two for Cate, and one of them is driving."

"Thanks, I'll be there in a minute, I just need to child out right now before we leave, you know how I am."

She left the room and I looked around the room and noticed that I was alone and having them here is destroying the peace that I once had, now I have nothing. The bloody raging dreams were haunting me and I looked at if I hadn't slept in a long time. I knew which songs I would be sing tomorrow and I knew that some people would be pissed off at me.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy Richelle Mead does. I only own Jesse, and the band members and some of the guardians. **_

_**A/N: some of you have been asking me about when is Dimitri going to find out what's wrong with Rose and why did she leave? Well we are getting closer… also some of you are wondering why everyone turned on Rose after lissa became Queen, everything will be answered soon. I promise that everything will be set right again with rose and the gang. Please review this story. **_

_Day 200_

_Things are good today. I haven't been myself. But the songs were coming to me real fast. We finally finished up a Cd and now we're on tour. This is a new day and this is something I don't like. The memories of my past is that and only that. The flash backs don't happen as much as they used to. _

_The only wish that I have is that I wish that my father was here to help me. I dial his number and hang up because I'm scared he'll send me back to Court where I'm not welcomed or he'll yell at me. I've written letters and letters to Dimitri about what happened after we brought Jill back to court and what I was going through. Then I would think about sending the letters, but they would end up in the box of all the other letters I've written to him. The same goes for the others. I miss them so much that it kills me even down to think about them all. I started another journal full of letters to them. But I haven't decided to send them the letters._

_I look out the window of my room and think about how everyone I once knew would be getting up soon and how I'll be going to bed. I thought about walking at night, but then I told myself that I shouldn't because it's not right, and that I need to stop thinking about them._

_One of Jesse's friend brother tried to ask me out on a date and I had to turn him down. He asked me why and I told him that I wasn't ready to date anyone after I had gotten my heart broken where I couldn't let anyone love me the way Dimitri did. He told me that I needed to try and I did. But I ended it a week later and told him I could only be friends. He was mad at whoever broke me. He has been a good friend of mine since then. When he found a girl to date he decided to test her with me around. She was alright and didn't bother to ask what was going on. I told her that I was only a friend and nothing more._

_Soon we would be starting our tour and I couldn't wait. I wanted to sing and be happy and this is the only way I can be happy. I love my life right now. But my past is another story._

_RHM_

_DAY 210_

_It's two days since I've been on tour with the band and all. I hate that I have to sing when I know that I could run into anyone from my past. But the only thing is that I'm scared to death from seeing them. I've changed since I left court, left them. I know my father has been looking for me because Jesse knows someone who works for my father. He tells this person that he hasn't seen mw which isn't a good idea but for me it's a good idea. _

_Though I miss everyone, it still hurts me that they have betrayed me like they did. I wanted nothing more than to know what I did wrong and why I'm being punished for something that I never did, I hate this. I need to stop thinking about the past and at the same time I can't help it._

_RHM_

_**DPOV:**_

I watched as Rose walked back into the house. I knew that something happened to her because Abe has been acting strange since he started to read that book. A book I've never seen before. I wanted to know what secrets that Rose has been keeping from me and why she won't talk to me. I know I made a mistake about leaving Rose.

Walking back into the house I heard Rose saying something to her Father about some type of journal. The others were. I noticed that we were getting ready to leave and that the tour was about to start.

Five hours later we arrived to New York city and checked into a hotel. Rose was in a room by herself with a guard across the hall from hers and some of the other side. Each room was connected with one another and that was a good thing. Yet at the same time I was worried about something, I wanted to know what was wrong. I walked over to Abe's room and knocked on the door.

"Come in Dimitri."

I walked into the room and saw that Abe was reading that book. He looked at me and said, "You and my daughter have a lot of things to talk about. I need to know that I can trust you with her heart. You guys need to talk things out when you two are ready. I know what happened to Rose and why she left. But I cannot tell you because things are too completed for me to explain."

I waited for him to continue talking and when he did he said, "Rose went through a lot and I don't think she wants to be a guarding anymore. I don't know why but you need to talk to her."

I left the room because I knew I wouldn't get any more information from him. I heard Jesse talking to Maya, one of the band members.

"May, let her be. She needs her rest and having someone here from her past isn't helping matters."

"Jesse, she's getting worst. Her songs are good, but the way she's been acting isn't normal. I need to know what's wrong with her."

"I'll tell you something that you cannot tell anyone else. But that guy Dimitri broke her heart and broke her. That's why she doesn't date, go to the clubs unless we're on tour, or even touch another guy. She doesn't trust her heart to anyone. I knew her for a long time. She's broken and lost. She's trying to find her way in this fucked up world. She doesn't need any more people dropping in from her past, she can't handle anything right now."

I walked away and back into my room and thought of everything that Abe told me, and what I just heard. Rose hasn't been with another man in a long time. But something told me that there is more to that story. More to the reasons why she left court and our world.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy Richelle Mead does. I only own Jesse, and the band members and some of the guardians.**_

Chapter 10

_Day 250_

_It's been a long week for me. I feel so alone and now that I'm home for a short break I feel strange. Looking back its close to when everything happened. It's getting closer to that one year mark but I'm not sure but I feel strange…like I should go back and check on things, yet I couldn't._

_Losing what I had left behind in my past life is something I had to do. And now I'm wondering if I had made the right choice. Today I got a letter for a friend who I will not say the name of. But this person has been keeping track of everyone and I know what's going on. Jesse is worried for me because he thinks I should forget them or go back to that life. But I don't want that life I want to be free and sing my heart out and one day sing my heart out to them about the reasons why I left._

_I know I shouldn't say this but no matter how much Dimitri had hurt me….i still love him with all my heart and I hope that one day he will understand what happened to me and why I left. But I don't want to be the one to tell him. I don't want him to find out by someone else…I've been thinking about sending him a letter but I'm not sure if I should. I want him to understand that I lost a child, a child that was ours and yet I can't bring myself to send him or anyone of my old friends the letters and the reasons why I left. I write those letters because I have to. I need some type of away to write what I want them to know without being in the same room with them. I'm not sure if they even understand what's going on with me and why I'm acting the way I am. But one day I'll be brave and return to court…but now I have to go back to work._

_RHM_

Rose POV

I woke up to Jesse to yelling through the door. I looked at the time and noticed it was almost 11am and I had to get up and get ready for the concert that I'll be preforming at. After I gotten dressed I looked at myself one last time in the mirror and noticed that I looked like I just woke up from a nightmare, which I did and I don't want anyone to noticed because they would be pissed off.

Walking out of the room I saw Jesse and the other band members waiting for me. When I walked by Jesse said, "It's about time sleeping angel. You should have been up hours ago. Now we have to run everything twice instead of three times. Do you know how hard it is to set up everything so that it's easier to get from place to place when we each take turns and you know that Rose."

"Sorry. I have been trying to forget about a few things. Let's just get this over with so that we can get something to eat before we have to preform okay."

Everyone went along with it and I was happy for once. Yet this was the only concert that we perform during the day. Once everything was set and we ran through the songs I knew that everything was set. Now we were waiting for food when my father walked over to me and said, "Rose, can we talk about something important?"

"Sure. Why not."

I got up from the stage from eating my pizza and walked with my father over to the changing room. He looked at me and said, "When are you going to tell him? I know he knows about this. But he walked in to my room and he wanted to know what happened and the reasons why you left and why your acting the way you are to him. He wants to know. You have to tell him soon. Plus your mother is stopping by tonight. She wants you, me and her to all hang out with just us three, if that's okay with you?"

"Daddy I'm not sure when or if I'll tell Dimitri about anything. Losing that child killed me inside. Plus that Lissa and Dimitri didn't care about the reasons why the doctors didn't want me on duty. They didn't care when I left or cleared my name. No one did. Even you and mom forgot about me and had another child. I don't know why you even bother to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. It would have been better if I just died in the car along with Lissa's family then no one would have to put up with me because I screw up everything and how things should have been. It would have been better if I wasn't even born because then you and mom would have to worry about me day after day….wait you guys never cared about me when I was a child. But when I was 17 going on 18 you guys started to get involved into my life when it was too late. Keep on reading those journals because then you can try and understand what I've been through with no help."

With that I walked away without giving him the one answer that he had wanted to know. I couldn't believe that I just told him all of that. What was I thinking when I told him all of that? But I knew why. Because I needed them when they weren't there for me when I needed them and they were there when I didn't need them. What a screwed up life I was living… I guess this is my life.

Dimitri's pov 

I was watching the band talk about what they were going to sing and then the food arrived and they were all eating and then I noticed that Abe walked over to Rose and they walked away from the other. I decided to follow them. When they stopped at the changing rooms I heard what they had said.

"When are you going to tell him? I know he knows about this. But he walked in to my room and he wanted to know what happened and the reasons why you left and why your acting the way you are to him. He wants to know. You have to tell him soon. Plus your mother is stopping by tonight. She wants you, me and her to all hang out with just us three, if that's okay with you?"

"Daddy I'm not sure when or if I'll tell Dimitri about anything. Losing that child killed me inside. Plus that Lissa and Dimitri didn't care about the reasons why the doctors didn't want me on duty. They didn't care when I left or cleared my name. No one did. Even you and mom forgot about me and had another child. I don't know why you even bother to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. It would have been better if I just died in the car along with Lissa's family then no one would have to put up with me because I screw up everything and how things should have been. It would have been better if I wasn't even born because then you and mom would have to worry about me day after day….wait you guys never cared about me when I was a child. But when I was 17 going on 18 you guys started to get involved into my life when it was too late. Keep on reading those journals because then you can try and understand what I've been through with no help."

Then she walked away from her father and back to the others. Abe turned and said, "How much did you hear Dimitri?"

"Enough that I want to know who got her with a child? And why didn't I believe her back then?"

"I can't tell you Dimitri. But you and Rose need to talk. Anyways don't worry about the child or what's going on between me and Rose. Just make sure she is safe tonight. I'll be waiting for her mother outside and then we'll be on the stage but out of site. She didn't mean what she said, she was mad at me and her mother. I guess I should have talked to her when she was younger. I guess I lost all chance of having her being my daughter and hoping that she would forgive all of us."

"Don't worry. She'll come around. She always dose and you know that."

I walked away and found the journal that Abe was reading. I picked it up and placed it in my pocket and walked away from the changing rooms and headed outside.

A/N: ooohhh… Dimitri found the journal…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Day 300

It's been a boring day. Nothing has changed. I've been cutting myself for a while no. I can't take this. I want to be free of my past and yet it haunts me every day and I have no way of escaping it. I finally blocked Lissa once and for all and I'm not sure if she knows this or not. Yet at the same time the darkness find a way to slip into my mind and makes me go crazy.

Jesse has been helping a lot and I think him for that. I needed a friend that I can trust and he knows everything about my past. He hasn't told the others because I didn't want them to know. Now I just have to face this new day.

RHM

RosePOV

The concert was about to start and I was up first. I knew which songs I would be singing and which ones the others were going to sing. This was one of the longest concerts that we would play for over an hour. This was the only free one we did. Yet we asked for everyone to donate five dollars so that they could give back to the community and the world around them.

The yelling and the screaming was really loud. Jesse walked on the stage and said, "Are you REadYYYYYYYYYYYY! To ROOOOOOOOOOCK !"

More screaming and yelling my name. I looked at my dress one last time. I looked hot and more myself then I did a long time.

"What's up New York! are you ready to Rock!"

More screaming and then I said, "How about a little thoughtless"

All of my hate cannot be bound

I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming

No, you can try to tear me down

Beat me to the ground, I will see you screaming

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies

Pushing all the mercy down, down, down

Wanna see you try to take a swing at me

Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground

Why are you trying to make fun of me?

You think it's funny, what the fuck you think it's doing to me?

You take your turn lashing out at me

I want you crying when you're bloody down in front of me

All of my hate cannot be bound

I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming

No, you can try to tear me down

Beat me to the ground, I will see you screaming

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies

I'm above you, smiling at you drown, drown, drown

Wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me

And I'll pull the trigger and you're down, down, down

Why are you trying to make fun of me?

You think it's funny, what the fuck you think it's doing to me?

You take your turn lashing out at me

I want you crying when you're bloody down in front of me

All of my hate cannot be bound

I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming

No, you can try to tear me down

Beat me to the ground, I will see you screaming

All my friends are gone, they died

They all screamed and cried

I'm gonna take you down, gonna take you down

Gonna take you down, gonna take you down

All of my hate cannot be bound

I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming

No, you can try to tear me down

Beat me to the ground, I will see you screaming

All of my hate cannot be bound

I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming

No, you can try to tear me down

Beat me to the ground, I will see you screaming

"Now how about I'm alive because I feel a live to day."

Telling Layla's story spoken

'Bout how all her bones are broken

Hammers fall on all the pieces

Two months in the cover creases

Fully alive

More than most

Ready to smile and love life

Fully alive

Now she knows

How to believe in futures

All my complaints shrink to nothing

I'm ashamed of all my somethings

She's glad for one day of comfort

Only because she has suffered

Fully alive

More than most

Ready to smile and love life

Fully alive

Now she knows

How to believe in futures

Fully alive

More than most

Ready to smile and love life

Fully alive

Now she knows

How to believe in futures

Fully alive

More than most

Ready to smile and love life

Fully alive

Now she knows

How to believe in futures

All to soon everyone played their song. I looked over at Jesse and said, "How about love the way you lie. Give them a tease of the new song that we've written."

"Sounds good with me. Let's do it."

[Chorus – Rose.]

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well that's alright because I love the way you lie

I Love the way you lie

[Verse 1 – Jesse]

I can't tell you what it really is

I can only tell you what it feels like

And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe

I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight

As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off on love, drunk from my hate

It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love it

The more I suffer, I suffocate

Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates

Me, she fuckin' hates me in a lovin' way.

Where you going? I'm leaving you.

No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back

Here we go again, it's so insane

Cuz when it's going good, it's going great

I'm Superman with the wind in his back

She's lois lane when and it's bad, it's awful

I feel so ashamed, I snap "Who's that dude?"

I don't even know his name

I laid hands on him, I never stood so low again

I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus - Rose]

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well that's alright because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 - Jesse]

You ever love somebody so much,

you could barely breathe when you with 'em?

You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit 'em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills used to get 'em

Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em

You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em

Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em

You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em

Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em

It's the fate that took over, it controls you both

So they say, you'd best to go your separate ways

Guess that they don't know ya cuz today,

That was yesterday, yesterday is over and it's a different day

Sound like broken records playing over

But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint

You don't get another chance

Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave out the window

Guess that's why they call it "window pane"

[Chorus - Rose]

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well that's alright because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 - Jesse]

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean

And we fall back into the same patterns, same team

But your temper's just as bad as mine is

You're the same as me

When it comes to love you're just as blinded

Baby please come back, it wasn't you. Baby it was me.

Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems

Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano

All I know is I love you too much, to walk away though

Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk

Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?

Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball

Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall

Next time? There won't be no next time

I apologize, even though I know it's lies

I'm tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I'm a liar

If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,

Ima tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Just gonna

[Chorus - Rose]

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well that's alright because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

We walked off the stage and I saw the look in Dimitri's eyes and knew that he was pissed off. It wasn't my fault that he wanted nothing to do with me. He's the one who didn't want nothing to do with me. He never tried to stop me from leaving everything that I knew.

When we got back to the hotel I went to my room and changed out of the clothes I was wearing and put on sweats and walked out of my room and down to Jesse's room. I knocked on his door. When he opened his door he looked at me and said, "What's wrong?"

"I don't want him near me. I'm scared that he would try and find out what happened and the reasons why I left. My mom and dad know, Christian and Eddie know. I'm scared Jesse. I'm scared that I might say something and he would find out what had happened and I cannot let that happen. Please help me. I need someone to help me."

Dpov

I watched Rose sing and the last song hit a nerve and I knew then how much pain I've put her in. Abe was standing next to me and I looked at him and said, "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm only putting her in more pain by staying here. I should be back at court with Lissa and the others. She's made up her mind about me and everyone else. She tried to kill herself because I was here."

"Whether you leave or not, she would have done the same thing Dimitri. I'm pissed that you slept with my daughter when she was underage, but you need to find out what the hell is wrong with her. She won't survive long in this world. She is slowly dying. She wants nothing to do with this world. You need to try and get her to trust you again so she can open up and tell you what happened."

I knew he was right and yet I felt it was my fault that Rose was acting like this. I was scared about what I should do. I knew she would be pissed if I walked up to her later tonight and ask her what's wrong with her. Why did you leave? And all the bullshit that I couldn't find myself to do.

When we got back to the Hotel I noticed that Rose was walking to Jesse's room. He opened the door and they were talking. I couldn't tell what they were talking about but Rose looked so upset that she started to hit him. Jesse took her hands in his and then he held her. She calmed down after that. I walked over to them and said, "Is everything okay?"

"Don't worry about it. She's fine. She's upset because you people had to come back into her life when she just started to heal and now you guys opened up old scars. You of all people shouldn't be here. Tori told me what you did to her, and Rose told me how you treated her when she was with a -"

"Jesse please stop. He doesn't know about that or what happened. He was the cause of most of this. Just take me back to my room so that I can rest before we leave in the morning. But I know that I won't be able to sleep tonight."

I watched as Rose walked away from us and back to her room. I looked at Jesse and he just walked back into his room and closed the door. I went back to my post and opened up the journal that Abe gave me and started to read it.

A/N: OOOOOhhhhhhhhh…what do you all think is going to happen? Hey I need song ideas for Dimitri to sing…some of you did send me some but I need the words to the song, the title and who sings the song…everyone has to the end of November to get me some ides. Also I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a while. College is driving me crazy, was in a car accident last Tuesday and I'm fine. I'll try and update as soon as I can…if anyone has any ideas let me know okay. Also my first ff is on hold for now until January because I lost my ideas for that story….those who read that one and this one let me know what you have in mind okay….please Review and until next time

P.S. if anyone want to look me up on facebook its dsquarella ... I might start putting up some updates about some of my stories….

I'm starting something called books recommending, I'll do at least three books.

Book of shadows by cate tiernan- its about a girl name Morgan who discovers Wicca through a new guy in town. Learns who she is and learns that's she had a power. A power stronger then Cal, the new student at the school. Also that she is a witch.

*this book searies is one of my favorites.

2. The hollow by Jessica Verday- about a girl named Abby who lost her best friend and she's trying to find out what happened when she meets Caspian a strange young boy who hangs out in the grave yard (cemetery )

3. Jessica's guide to dating on the dark side by Beth Fantaskey- a girl named Jessica who was adopted by her parents and yet when the strange exchange student comes and stays at her house, she finds out who she really is and that she is not who she always thought she was..

RoseSkyAnge


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

_**Dimitri's pov**_

I started reading the journal and yet I didn't know what would be in the journal or how many journals there were. Then I stared at the words, at her handing writing and I noticed that this is the one journal she kept while she was at court before she left.

_Day 10_

_Today was another week since the day that Dimitri was turned back from what he was. He's back and yet I'm still with Adrian and he's my boyfriend. I love Adrian, but not the way he wants me to. I love him as a brother and a friend. Yet today I was told by Dimitri that his love has faded for me and I'm pissed, I need some time to think things through, yet I couldn't help think that he thinks Lissa was the one who turned him back, the one who saved him. If it wasn't for me he would still be what he was. I was the one who found a way to change him back._

_Yet he believes that Lissa was the one, so I won't go near him. Its late and I was supposed to meet Adrian a few hours ago. This was something I didn't want to do. I went through so much to lose the only person that I love and gave myself to._

_RHM_

_Day 15_

_Being accused of killing the queen is so stupid and I never did that. I never once killed the queen. Yet I have a feeling that I was being set up. Yet it's been a few days since the gain have been up to something. Something that they don't want me in on and something that could get me killed. Life right now isn't what I thought it would be. I want to die though dyeing because people are telling me that I killed the queen is something better._

_RHM_

_Day 28_

_It's been a few days since I was broke out of jail. Yet now I'm on the loose and the guardians are looking for me. Dimitri helped out with the plan and yet he doesn't know how it is killing me that he is the one who has to watch me. I don't want him near me after he ripped my heart to pieces and I don't want to be here. I want to be somewhere far away from here._

_Yet my wish will never come true and I know that. Nothing that I try to do comes true. I just wish that I could just be with Lissa and forget about this place, this world and some of the people that are in this world. I just want to be in hell or a place close to hell._

_RHM_

All of the thoughts that Roza had is something that I caused her. Yet I know she's hiding a secret that she doesn't want to tell anyone not even me. I just wish that she would try and open up. Yet I know in my heart that will never happen.

_**JPOV (Rose's Mom)**_

It's been a few weeks since I've seen my daughter and yet ABE says that she's not the same Rose that she once was. I just wish I know what happened. But I only had seen my daughter once since she has left court. I just wish that I knew more about what happened to her and Dimitri.

Dimitri, I could kill him for what he had done to my daughter. Yet he made her a strong young women and yet he also broke her in the end. I hope that they would tell me the full story. I know that he wouldn't and yet his grandmother has talked to me and told me what little she knew what she had foreseen and what would happen.

I knew that she has changed since the time she was looking for the queen's sister. Since then Rose was different. Not the same Rose who was once filled with life. I just wish I knew what the full story and yet no one would tell me what was going on and what had happened. I'm scared about what has happened to my daughter and yet at the same time I knew that Abe could get through to her. I just hope that she's fine and happy.

_**RPOV**_

It's been a week and I've been writing and thinking about everything. Dimitri, god how I wish that he and the others haven't shown up at the damn concert and yet Dimitri is the one who broke me and betrayed my trust and who was my first and only love; he's the only one who I have given myself to and what did I get in the end? Nothing, I got nothing and now he's here with ne and the band and trying to get me back and it won't work in the end. I can't love him for I'm scared that if I did and I became with a child I would lose that child again.

Thinking about all of this made my mind fall into the past yet again. The past where I was back at the academy and how happy I was about training with Dimitri in the morning to protect Lissa. Now my morning are waking up from dreams that once happened with pain and lost. The dreams of memories of once forgotten past into the present where I had to force myself to go to the workout room and get rid of all of my anger and try and stay focus on what I'm doing now.

My mother, god I wish she was here and yet at the same time I'm happy that she's not because I was worried that she would harm Dimitri the same way that my father did. I wish I could tell everyone what happened to me long ago and yet I can't bring myself to do that. I was scared that once my secret had gotten out that I would be destroyed by what I had made and done, and soon yelled at about losing the baby thought that wasn't my fault because I did try and tell them the truth and no one believed me. No one cared for me then and I wanted to scream and cut myself. Yet I've restrained myself from doing those things.

"Rose, can I come in please?"

I looked at the clock and noticed it was early in the morning. I knew that my father was outside the door waiting for me to open my door up. I got up and opened the door and my father walked into my room and sat on my bed. He took a good look over my room and noticed that I didn't sleep. He looked at me and said, "Rose I've talked to your mother and she wants to come and see you. You younger brother is off to school now and I want you and your mother to try and talk to each other. Please?"

I looked at my father and knew that I did want to talk to my mother and try to get her to understand what was going on. I wanted her to know everything about me, or as much I could say to her.

"I think that would be good. Tell her to meet up in Toronto Canada, okay."

"Of course, and Rose, I did find your journals and I'm letting Dimitri to read one, but you still need to talk to him, he needs to know what happened so that you can fully heal of losing a child."

I looked at my father and said, "How did you know about that?"

"I looked into your file. I knew what happened and I didn't tell your mother because I didn't want to get you mad at me because you tried everything to no lose the child and they thought that you were slacking off, and acting like a child and yet you were in your right not to be fighting. Please my daughter you need to talk to your mother."

" I will. I'll tell my mother everything and I need you by my side when I do this."

"What about Dimitri?"

"I don't know father. I'm not sure when I want to tell him and yet I know that I need to tell him soon because it's important, I know that we have to talk things out soon, but I'm not ready."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Rose pov

It's been a few weeks since we've been in different countries and my mother and baby brother were with us for a while. My mother and father were happy to have some family time with me. But I knew that Dimitri was reading the Journal and trying to find out the truth and the reasons why I left from the vampire world and moved to the human world. I knew that he didn't get it or understand why though. I was happy that Maya and Cate and I were hanging out shopping and Tori, whose Dimitri's little sister. I've been talking her alot but mostly because she's wanting to know the truth of what happened between me and her brother and it's too hard for me to tell.

It was night and I was in my room just writing more songs and just writing whatever came to mind when Dimitri walked in and said, "I want to hear the truth from your mouth right now. I want to know if this-"

"Before you start yelling you might want to shut the door and lower your voice. I don't want the whole world know about this or my past. I want what I have left of past free be. I wanted nothing from you guys and I don't even know why you guys even came to the concert. I know that you knew I wouldn't want to talk to any of you guys because you all lost me. Well guess what, you keep it and something might happen to me. Everything you need to know is in that journal and others that I have. Since my father told you about what happened and how to understand what I've written you need to understand that what happened was something for the better in the end. Now can you please leave, I don't feel like remembering what happened."

I turned away from him and look out the window. Yet I felt his hands wrapping around me and pulled me closer and then I heard him speak, "I'm not leaving till I know your fine and that I get the full truth. Not the half-truth that you written down and what you told your father. I mean it Rose, I'll find out the truth one way or another."

"So you can hurt me again and then run off with that women that the Queen set you up with? I know you don't love me or care about me so just leave. I know you will. Just answer me one question, does it bother you having me so close now. Is there anything from your past that you regret doing to me and feel as if you have to stay away? Do you want to hurt me like you did your father? Do you hate me what I did? Do you hate me because Tasha dead and I am alive?"

I knew that there was more than one question that I threw at him. How else was I supposed to talk to him I didn't want nothing to do with him because it's been a few months since I've been around and I don't know how much longer that I can deal with him.

He walked out of my room when he did, I fell to my knees and just started to cry. Cate walked in and held me. I just cried and cried and cried. When she left I got up and locked my door and just locked myself away. But I'm lucky that I'm home for the holidays.

Eddie's POV

It's been a while since I saw Rose. I called Abe today to see if I could come over and visit her. I know she's been asking about me and he said that Rose wanted me over for x-mass day. I was so happy that I didn't know what to do or what to say. But she only wanted me and no one else. I understood that but Lissa on the other hand was getting worried because she wanted to be able to see her. But Abe said that Rose can only take so much or she would snap and end up leaving again and starting over and this time she would lock herself away again.

I was at the airport waiting for the plan to arrive so I can see my sister and I'm hoping she won't be mad at me because I did try and stop her from leaving and that I cared about her. God why did I have to be like a brother to her, but I love her like a sister.

Hanging in there Rose because I'm on my way since Hans let me have a few weeks off.

ABE's Pov

Eddie, Rose's friend would be here soon. But the down side is that Rose locked herself in her room again. I don't know what to do or how much I can take of this before I decide to take down that door of her. But at least she's coming out once in a while. I guess this time of the year is really hard on her. Dimitri has been reading more and more of that journal I gave him. He's been beating himself up over everything that had happened and I just wish that he would do that. How could he have known what was happing at the time and that Rose was with a child.

I remember when he found out, he came walking into my room after he talked to Rose and said, "Why didn't she tell me? I know you told me this before. But how can I talk to her when she pushes me out of the way or yell at me. Abe you know that if I had known about the child I wouldn't have cause-I caused her to lose the baby. It's my fault that she lost the child isn't it."

"Dimitri you didn't know about the child and Rose didn't know either. Look you and her need to sit down and talk, if I have to I'll make sure that you both will work things out by the end of the year and I can promise you that once you both take, things will be a bit better between the two of you. So why don't you just go for a run while I talk to her mother, maybe she can talk to her. No promises though."

"Thank you."

When he left my wife (Rose's mother) came in the room and said, "Let me guess you want me to talk our daughter into talking to him alone with one around the house?"

"Yes, because there will be guards here, but this way they can get through what they need to get through, beside Eddie will be here in a few weeks and they can just sit and talk things out. They just have to."

We both agreed to give them three nights alone to talk to each other and to try and get along. But I know that Rose wouldn't like talking to him, but they have gotten better at talking to one another, but they need to talk more.

Jesse's POV

Rose locked herself in her room, but she came out after a while and just wrote some songs down and just left the room without talking. But I knew where she went. She went to train herself so that she could pull the darkness out of her mind and feed it someplace else. It doesn't help when you have a stupid Russian running around here reading those Journals and wanting to know the reasons why. He just needs time to think about what and why things happned.

I care for Rose like a sister and she's been there for me and I've been there for here. I just hope if she and the Russian do sit down and talk things through I just hope that things will work out for the better and I hope that she can try and heal her wounds that have been cut open for the longest time ever.

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a long while, I've been deal with a lot of drama. Family, home, school (College) and also something I'm growing though. I just wanted to let everyone know that I didn't forget about this fanfiction, I've just haven't been myself and just too much happening at once that I can't deal with. yes i do know i reposted this story. anywhoo next chapter should be up sometime next week.

Next chapter or the one after that will be about Dimitri and Rose and also Dimitri gets to sing a song and they get to talk, not sure when I'm going to put them back together and I'm running out of ideas, so I need help. So please Review and let me know what you all have to say okay. Thanks.

RSK.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_**Rose's POV**_

It's been a few days since I knew that Dimitri has been reading the journals. The journals that were locked but I knew better than to try and hide anything from Abe, but I couldn't help but to hide them so that he wouldn't find out why I left and then Dimitri started to read one. He took one from Abe and of course it had to be the one that I've written since I left and the reasons why. But the reasons were only half truth.

I was too upset and mad at them because I lost the one thing that I could give Dimitri, the one thing that he wanted more than his life. The one thing that he would have with Tasha if he had only taken her offer when he had the chance; but he didn't. He decided to stay with me and the academy. But I couldn't forgive the others, Adrian hadn't known that I was with a child, and Eddie didn't know. I'm just happy that I'm slowly getting to see them, but how could I forgive them.

When the undead were coming at us and I was told not to fight they made me fight and I was trying to protect myself and not one else. I was trying to keep my child safe, a child that I was going to have though I was only a month along with this child, I just don't know if I could bring myself to tell Dimitri what happened and ask him why he thought I was just lazy. But I couldn't.

It didn't help matters that Eddie, my mother and baby brother, would been here soon. But I have to do this for myself if I want to heal. I know deep down inside that the old Rose is dead and that she would never come back. I know she's dead because I'm here, the old Rose has her heart ripped out of her when Dimitri was turned into the evil undead, then she healed again until Dimitri said love fades mine has, and that killed her heart, then after they found Lissa's sister and she was shot she was killed for good.

The new Rose knew how to trust and how much she can trust someone and that was thanks to him and her friends. I know who I can trust and who I cannot trust and that hurts when I cannot trust people like I used to trust them. Yet I had to go and talk to Dimitri now that everyone is asleep. I just didn't know what to say but I knew I had to say something to him but I'm not sure what I should say to him because I know that if I did talk to him I would get upset because I'm so scared what he might say but I had to trust him right now that I know he wants to talk but I'm not sure if he even cares about me like he used to care about me and that made me sad at heart, but my heart was already broken and I slowly started to heal from the hurt and sorrow that caused so much pain.

Walking out of my room I went to find Viktoria, Dimitri's little sister, I had no clue where Dimitri was. When I reached the kitchen I saw Viktoria getting a glass of water and she looked up and said, "Hey Rose, umm what are you doing?"

"Do you know where your brother might be? I need to talk to him?"

"He just went to the music room. Why? I know he was looking for you early today."

"Thanks and you should get some sleep."

I left but I knew that I didn't tell her why I was looking for her brother because I knew she would call her family and let them know what was going on and I couldn't have that. I knew this way she had nothing to say to them about what's going on between me and Dimitri. I just wanted us to have some place to talk and I knew a few places that were hidden with the house and outside of the house that no one knew about. When I reached the music room I saw Dimitri sitting down at the Piano.

_**Dimitri's POV**_

I wanted to talk to Rose. I wanted to know why she was acting the way she was, I wanted to know why she left us. All of these questions within my mind were driving me crazy. I knew that I had to give her time and just let her come to me and we'll talk things out. But I needed to know that truth.

Sitting down in the music room at the piano I couldn't help but start sing.

_This time, This place_

_Misused, Mistakes_

_Too long, Too late_

_Who was I to make you wait_

_Just one chance_

_Just one breath_

_Just in case there's just one left_

_'Cause you know_

_You know, you know_

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_and you'll never go_

_Stop breathing if_

_I don't see you anymore_

_On my knees, I'll ask_

_Last chance for one last dance_

_'Cause with you, I'd withstand_

_All of hell to hold your hand_

_I'd give it all_

_I'd give for us_

_Give anything but I won't give up_

_'Cause you know_

_You know, you know_

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_and you'll never go_

_Stop breathing if_

_I don't see you anymore_

_So far away, so far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

_So far away, so far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

_But you know, you know, you know_

_I wanted_

_I wanted you to stay_

_'Cause I needed_

_I need to hear you say_

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I forgive you_

_For being away for far too long_

_So keep breathing_

_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me and never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me and never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me and never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me and never let me go_

When I finished singing that song I knew that someone was watching me and I wasn't sure who it was. When I turned around I saw Rose. She looked at me and I noticed that she was fighting to keep her control of her feelings and I knew that she was scared and hiding things from me.

"Ro-" I started to say but she cut me off and said, "We need to talk but not here. I know a place where we can go and talk. A nice quiet place that no one knows about but me, but you must let me tell you everything without you interrupting me."

"Fine, where do you want to go? You can lead the way."

She looked at me and then at the time and said, "Not right now, but tomorrow because it's been a long day and I'll come and find you tomorrow because I need to see to something first."

She left me in the music room without anyone knowing that she was here, and yet tomorrow we're going to be talking about everything and I wasn't sure if I was ready or not to hear what she had to say about the loss of our child or the fact that she left court without anyone knowing why she left and the fact that she left the Queen without so much as a word. Yet I knew that she had a recording of a song and also to produce a new music video of a song on her album that just came out in stores.

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update, things are not going to good at my house and I'll be working harder to get out another chapter soon. But I'm in college now and I don't have a lap top at the moment so it's hard to find a computer to write and update. Please Read and Review.

P.S: the song that I used is Nickelback Lyrics » Far Away from elyrics.

RSA


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